Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
Hey, everybody, it's Lacey and I'm Lauren. And welcome to another episode of the Llamas podcast.
[00:00:11] Speaker B: And we are back together hosting today, both of us.
[00:00:15] Speaker A: Yep. And Lauren has a topic and maybe we'll get there, but I have lots of questions that are law related and lots of questions mom related. So. So if it's okay with you, Lauren, if we could just kind of make this a true Llamas episode, I'll start with my law questions and if we have time, we can hit the topic that you did want to discuss today.
[00:00:38] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:00:40] Speaker A: So you know I've told you my uncle is on hospice, correct?
[00:00:46] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:00:47] Speaker A: So it, you know, I feel like death brings out so many worst sides of people and assumptions of the worst. So I'm just going to lay it on out there because my family's putting me in the middle of it. So I'm going to broadcast it. So let's buckle up and go.
So for everybody that doesn't know, my, my uncle is on hospice. He has three children and he was not heavily in the lives of the oldest two.
So information that you need for this episode and Lauren needs to answer my questions is my first cousin Jimmy. He's the oldest. Right. I do believe he is on his birth certificate. That is his dad. Now, he did change his last name from my uncles because there was not a, a strong relationship. It's been very like up and down, in and out, mainly on the role of my uncle, if I'm just being honest, you know.
So then there's Tammy. She's the middle child. She is not on his birth certificate, but that is for sure his daughter. We, I think in our family, me and her probably look the most alike.
Like you could put us together and know that we're for sure related in cousins. So, you know, that is his, his daughter, but he is not on her birth certificate. And then you have the youngest daughter, Karina.
She, he should be on her birth certificate. And he did raise her until she was 18 and then she moved back to Ohio from South Carolina.
So they are not seeing eye to eye on a lot of things. And with my family, so everybody thinks everybody's out to get something. And honestly, my uncle doesn't really have a lot. But of course, everybody's pointing at fingers thinking this person wants all these things. This person wants all these things. And in my opinion, he wasn't there for either one of them to begin with a lot growing up. And so, you know, if they get anything of them, I mean, that's the least that he can do, and that's just my two cents on that. But he does not have a will.
If he were to die, who would be personal representative? Does it matter? Would everything have to go through probate? If there's really not much, does it have to be probated?
What is this mess going to look like with everybody pointing at each other and thinking that the other's trying to take advantage of this dying man who doesn't have a lot of stuff?
[00:03:16] Speaker B: Well, realistically, the only stuff here in South Carolina that goes through probate is stuff you own by yourself that doesn't have a beneficiary on it. So like for instance, if he has life insurance, but he put a beneficiary on that, that's going to go to whoever he wanted it to go to. Same thing on his bank accounts. If he added somebody else's name to his bank account accounts, it'll go to that person. If he added a transfer on death, it'll go to that person.
[00:03:47] Speaker A: Okay, so if he added my cousin Tammy to his bank accounts, or let's say one account, but not the other
[00:03:54] Speaker B: account, the only one with her name on it would go directly to her.
[00:03:58] Speaker A: And she does not have to share with anybody else if she doesn't want to. What if he has a second account with nobody on that one?
[00:04:05] Speaker B: So if he has things that he has not put a beneficiary on and like it is a bank account, he didn't add anybody else as beneficiary or there's no co owners, it will end up going through probate. And in South Carolina, the laws of intestine, when you have no will, the laws of intestacy will prevail. Now, it also depends how much money it is. I believe if it's 45,000 and under for the value of everything, that would include like cars, boats, cash, all of that. If it's under 45,000, you can do a small estate affidavit. I'd have to check the number for sure. It used to be 25. I'm pretty sure they bumped it to 45.
[00:04:46] Speaker A: And who has to do that, huh? Who would have to do that affidavit?
[00:04:51] Speaker B: All three kids.
[00:04:52] Speaker A: All three.
[00:04:54] Speaker B: So realistically, under the laws of intestacy, it's three kids would be it. The hard part is this is one of those situations where it's not black and white who is the child and who is not.
It comes down to being on the birth certificate is like evidence on its face that he's the dad. He Claims them. So usually those type situations, unless the mom was married to somebody else at the time, then it gets really complicated. But in the situation, like him and mom weren't married and mom wasn't married to anybody else, and she put him on the birth certificate, then it's pretty clear that's his child.
The issue will come in. And it's not so much if.
So even if you weren't on the birth certificate, but there was like that biological relationship and he treated you as his child. Not like in a stepchild situation. This is like, I'm your birth dad. I know I am your birth dad. I'm not on your birth certificate, but I'm your dad. I accept that. I'm your dad. I treat you as my child.
Those people are children. The issue is when you're not on a birth certificate and you never had that parent. Child relate. I'm not saying it has to be a good relationship.
You never included them or called them your child. So, for instance, Wes is not. Wes's dad was not on his birth certificate.
His mom didn't want him to be. She thought, wrongly, she thought that if she didn't put his name on there, he wouldn't have visitation rights. But that's really not how that works. But that was her thought process.
He didn't want visitation rights anyway, so we don't have to worry about that. But.
And he didn't treat him well. He wasn't a good dad. Like, they don't have this fuzzy relationship. But he admitted Wes was his child. He never. Well, he did try to deny it at first, but after that he admitted Wes was his child. Like, even though the name is not on the birth certificate, he admitted he was his child. And so if we had, we didn't have to go to probate because he didn't have crap when he died. But also when he died, his mom was still alive too, so she could have handled it, but he literally had nothing to his name.
His bank account had his mom's name on it. So we didn't have to do that. There is one life insurance policy that may be worth a thousand dollars we've let go, but the cost to do all the probate and all that is just not the worth it. But because he admitted he was his child, we wouldn't have any issues. And I think in the situation where all three of these know that that's their dad, he admits he's their dad. I think all three are equal. And as far as being executor of the Estate, they all equally have the right to do so. And a court determine who, if they cannot agree who will do it? A court, they can file petitions and the judge will decide.
[00:07:49] Speaker A: Does it complicate things at all that they are not here in South Carolina?
[00:07:53] Speaker B: They're going to have to have somebody for service of process here in South Carolina, which means they're probably going to need to hire an attorney.
[00:08:00] Speaker A: But is it.
But that's just.
They're not gonna have the money to do that. So then what happens? They just personally fight amongst themselves?
[00:08:11] Speaker B: Well, I mean, realistically, it kind of depends how much is in his bank account. I mean, an attorney might take the case and say, hey, you can pay me from the estate funds once you have that.
They might, but you have to have somebody here. You don't have to hire an attorney, but you have to have somebody here willing to accept service on your behalf is really the biggest thing.
[00:08:33] Speaker A: So public service announcement. It will not be me.
[00:08:38] Speaker B: They could go ask my law to do that for them, Something like that. But realistically, is your uncle still competent? Does he know what's going on?
[00:08:51] Speaker A: I don't, like, I don't know. I mean, my mom said that, you know, he doesn't look very good. But like he did call the other day and cancel the chaplain coming. So for me, I feel like yes, he is. Because if he's a coherent enough to like know someone's coming and be able to cancel it, to me that makes me feel competent. When I, I did try to get
[00:09:13] Speaker B: a will
[00:09:16] Speaker A: a few months back, I don't know if I think I talked to you about it when he was in the hospital and he was not competent. Then like I asked him what he had for breakfast. And then five minutes later I asked again and it was a completely different answer.
I would ask him questions and he changed the topic.
He was very random. Like when I was asking him about who he wanted to be the personal representative, he would pick like my grandmother's 90 something year old husband, you know, and I'm like, well, you know, we don't know how long you're gonna live. That doesn't make sense. Oh no, I've got him. And like, and then he would say Karina, which is the one child that wasn't even there that he wasn't speaking of. And so I knew then he was not competent. I don't, I think it was, I know he had some issues because of the medication and stuff that he was on, because he ended up in a, in a legal situation that I had to take care of because of it.
But I don't think he's there now. But I just don't know. I mean, my mom said, my mom did say, I guess he's got a car.
And I didn't know what you could do about a car. And my mother in law on the title over, that's what my mother in law said because she was there. And so she told my mom that. And my mom said, well, he can't even sign.
Like he wouldn't be able to lift his hand to sign.
[00:10:34] Speaker B: She said, I mean, physically doing the act is different than being mentally able to do it. So I mean, if it's an ex, but that's his signature, it will be upheld. I think it just depends if mentally he was competent to do so. But in that sense, I mean, if he's mentally still competent, I would be going and adding beneficiaries to my bank account. So that way it go outside of probate. And all the kids would have to do or whoever he wanted to have it. If he wanted to give it back to mama, he could and just put a payable on death. So all they would need would be the death certificate, which here's going to be a complicated part. Who's going to come down and make the funeral arrangements for him?
[00:11:16] Speaker A: Oh, that's a fight too. So my, apparently him and my grandmother, my grandma discussed that he would have a delayed funeral. I assumed because everybody is pretty much in Ohio except for me, my mom, my sister and my grandma. Other than that, all of my, my cousins, he has another sister. While they're not on speaking terms, like I think she'll come and if she wants to come, she should be able to, you know.
You know, so. Because they, they had a partly good childhood. But so I, I thought that was why they were delaying. It was for that reason.
Well, my cousin Jimmy called because he's got four children. They don't have a lot of help with childcare. He's like, I can only come down once. And so it would make sense for me after he passes for me to just take my bereavement and come down and help clean out his house, clean out a storage unit and have the funeral like all together.
[00:12:14] Speaker B: So he doesn't have to own a house or is he just renting?
[00:12:18] Speaker A: Renting. Okay. He's got a storage unit too, from my understanding. So he was like, it would just make more sense for me to come down with my wife and kids once because of finances. And that made sense to me. So I relay the message to my mother because none of these people can communicate without me because none of them are great communicators. They all flip out on each other.
So I call my mom. She's like, that makes sense to me.
I just know that that's what Eric wanted, but I don't know why. So she relayed the message to my grandma. Well, now he's being accused of only wanting to come down right after death to take all his stuff. This is a very poor man. He doesn't have a lot of stuff. I mean, you're talking about if my cousin really does want to come down and take his stuff, some swords, some knives, like it's not going to be anything of big value. So the fact that they're even accusing him or anybody of want to take stuff, like it really doesn't matter because there's not things of value you.
So anyways, so then everybody got mad at that and they said, no, we're delaying it. It's going to be four weeks after he dies. That's what I was told this morning. So I told my cousin that and he said that, you know, that's fine. Now he's being accused of this. So it's whatever. Like in that case, if they don't want him to clean out the storage unit and if he doesn't have to, he just thought he was next of kin, being the oldest. If he doesn't have to, he'll just come down for whenever the funeral is.
Then I reminded my mother that if they're saying he's got a month to live and then they're delaying it four weeks, I'm gonna be in Italy and she's gonna be here watching my kids. So they may, if they truly want everybody to be there, then they kind of need to rethink things. So everybody's fighting. My grandma wants one thing, Jimmy wants another thing, Tammy wants another thing. And me and my mom are kind of like stuck in the middle just relaying all the information. So. Which brings me to my next question. Who is actually in charge of planning the funeral?
[00:14:07] Speaker B: The three kids equally.
[00:14:09] Speaker A: Okay.
But my grandma doesn't really have a say.
[00:14:13] Speaker B: Well, huh.
[00:14:14] Speaker A: So my grandma doesn't really have a say.
[00:14:16] Speaker B: I mean, technically, once you have kids and they're adults, they're your next kin over your parents.
So. But I mean like, obviously it's going to come down to some of it is not all way to who should do it, but who's there. So I mean, you know, the three kids are supposed to do it. But if they don't want to come or they don't want to get along, you can let mama handle it all. But then the question who's gonna pay for it?
[00:14:43] Speaker A: Because so he got a settlement for something. And from my understanding is money has already been put down as a deposit with a funeral home for arrangements. So I think that part has been taken care of or at least partially taken care of.
[00:15:04] Speaker B: So.
[00:15:05] Speaker A: Yeah, so that's, that's that part at least. But, but see, the service will be at my home church back in Union.
And you know, they don't have any ties to that. I mean, they wouldn't know how to even contact the church except for me or my grandma.
[00:15:24] Speaker B: Is he gonna be buried or cremated?
[00:15:26] Speaker A: Cremated.
[00:15:27] Speaker B: Well, that makes it easier. At least you're not trying to get a body. That's really expensive to move bodies.
[00:15:33] Speaker A: So my, my grandma, I think her thinking was it just takes some time to get the ashes. So that's why she needed to delay it. But I told my mom today, people have funerals without the ashes. My father in law, they didn't have his ashes back. We did have Nana's, Nana Nancy's Monday, but that was by fluke. They told us they wouldn't be there, but somehow it got, you know, not expedited, I guess. Like things kind of just naturally sped up. And when he went, they said, you know, it was ready. And so we did have it, but the expectation was that they wouldn't have it. So, you know, people have funerals without the action.
[00:16:11] Speaker B: Well, like for my mother in law was she did not want to be cremated, vehemently, did not want to be cremated, but she wanted a closed casket and stuff. So there wasn't any viewing or anything like that. Like, yes, her body was there because we did do a graveside, but you don't need a graveside if you're going to be cremated.
[00:16:32] Speaker A: So yeah, okay.
[00:16:35] Speaker B: But no, it's gonna be a fight. I think, you know, if he's mentally confident, he's already prepaid for part of his funeral. That takes some of it out. I just go out. Beneficiaries.
[00:16:46] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean he, I think he's pretty much bedridden. I don't think he could actually go to a bank.
[00:16:52] Speaker B: So depending on where he banks. I mean, I don't know, but you can do a lot of stuff online.
[00:17:00] Speaker A: Sure.
Maybe I'll just send this episode to my mom, have my mom listen to it. And then now that all the kids are back in Ohio, she can go and just be like, all right, what do you truly want?
And help them do all that.
[00:17:13] Speaker B: Who do you want to give your stuff to? And let's go ahead and update beneficiaries.
[00:17:18] Speaker A: Yeah, I think my cousin Jimmy gets a bad rap because he changed his last name. But like, I understand that that was one of the reasons I dropped Lee when I got married is I didn't have, you know, ties to my dad and they try to make that into something bigger. But he did reconnect with him later on in life. And I know my uncle helped him out financially when he had it sometimes, but what's wrong with that? Like my, my mother in law, I've got money, but she'll still, you know, send us money for stuff. She sometimes helps pay our child care fees, you know, and she just wants to. And she does the same thing for my, my brother in law. There are certain things like he could pay for, but she chooses to pay for.
So it's like if he had the money and want to help out his son, he wasn't around for his life. Like he wasn't around for a lot of things. So like what's the big deal if he helped him out in adulthood and what's the big deal if he asks? Like, I just, I think this is just gonna, it's already getting ugly and it's so it's gonna get uglier. And this is why I think it's good when Lauren preaches on this podcast, have a will. Like do it ahead of time.
I just paid for my updated will from Lauren and I do need you to mail it with the tabs so I know where to do it correctly.
But I paid her to do mine today because I leave for Italy with my husband in less than and I just want to make sure that if anything happens that everything is done correctly for my children and there's no fighting. Like it is what it is and hope, you know, don't expect anything to happen. I hope nothing happens. But you know, I feel better about going knowing that if something were to happen to me and him that what we would want for our kids lives is going to happen.
So please don't leave your family in shambles like mine because most likely there is somebody very smart and very nice who loves a lot of people in the situation situation that's put in the middle like me and having to communicate all this stuff for, you know, if I'm being honest, somebody that kind of triggers my trauma, you know, with how my dad was. So this situation's Triggering to me. And I'm trying to be there for everyone when I, you know, kind of struggle myself. I think the fact that even they all came and visited him is big because I don't know what I'll do if that situation arises. I've said I have to cross that bridge if it comes, and I will, but what a mess.
[00:19:48] Speaker B: Thank you, Lauren.
[00:19:49] Speaker A: Do you want my mama question now?
Sure.
So it's kind of a special needs mama question. So we went to a birthday party Saturday. So Luke is on ADHD medication. When he is unmedicated, he is very impulsive. His biggest impulse since he was a baby is throwing. It's like a comfort for him.
So for y' all listening, like, as you know, Luke has Down syndrome. He has adhd.
They thought maybe he may be on the spectrum as well. But he's always thrown things ever since he was a small baby. He just throws and throws its impulses. He has thrown scissors at school, which is not good.
But it's not like I'm mad. Let me throw this. He's happy when he throws it like it is seriously. Just like a sensory kind of thing almost. But he will go to the stairs and throw a ball on the stairs and have it bounce back hours every single day. Like, he does that. That activity every single day.
He's not one that knows really how to play with toys properly, but he throws a lot. Mac has a scar on his forehead from him throwing a pig across the playroom. So sometimes it's also very unsafe.
And I have put him on timeout. I've done everything I could. He throws like it's. And when he's medicated, he will listen more to, hey, we don't throw these toys. If you want to throw, get a softball. So we direct him to, like, being able to do what he needs to do and with his impulses, but in a safer environment.
The problem is the medication he's on right now causes him to lose weight. He was on a medication where he was eating, but our insurance company denied that medication. So he's. The only thing we have is the medication that where he loses weight and he doesn't eat a lot. So certain days we, especially on the weekends, we try not to medicate him. So he eats.
[00:21:49] Speaker B: I know this is on a different.
See, Maddie doesn't eat a lot, but I can get her to drink because I worry about Maddie's protein intake. She will eat all the fruits, but, like getting her minus yogurt. She loves Greek yogurt, which does have protein in it. But outside of that, she's not getting a ton of protein, so she will drink a pedia sure, though. So I didn't know if he would drink something like that.
[00:22:14] Speaker A: And we went to the nutritionist. So what's crazy is when there were.
There were a handful of foods that he would eat, he still was picky, but it was pretty. It was. It was broader than what it is now. Much more broad.
When he started the Vyvanse, there's a lot of foods he quit eating, and we've never been able to get back to that.
I have recently read that it can change your taste buds, which makes a lot of sense now, looking back. So that really sucks because if he goes a while without eating a food he just doesn't like, he thinks he doesn't like it anymore, and we can't. It's really hard to get him back to it.
But we did see a nutritionist, and they said that, you know, he's like, I have kids that won't eat anything, you know, at all. Like, they just drink fluids. And so the fact that he's eating fruits every day and hot dogs every day, that's protein, that's fruit. He wasn't worried about it. The problem is, is like when he is on the Calbury, which is the medication that he was gaining weight on, he would eat a pancake every day before breakfast. Yes. That's the only thing he'll eat for breakfast. But he would eat it, and he would have a hot dog with berries, possibly a Clif bar. At school, he'd come home and have, like, beef Roni or Mac and cheese, some type of carb we would try to do for dinner. When he's on Byvance, he's lucky to eat a hot dog.
Like two, maybe two hot dogs. He's not snacking. He's not eating a pancake before school.
And so that's why it's so big for us not to medicate him on certain days. Because, like, yesterday we didn't medicate him. He ate four pancakes for breakfast.
[00:23:47] Speaker B: So is that okay to medicate and not medicate?
[00:23:51] Speaker A: It is. And in our situation, because he's failure to thrive, it's kind of palancing. The two things.
[00:24:00] Speaker B: I just don't know because, I mean, like, for all you people that are on, like, SSRIs and all those type of things, like, never not take it.
[00:24:08] Speaker A: Right.
[00:24:08] Speaker B: This is under your medical advice that he can do this.
[00:24:13] Speaker A: Yeah. So we had a birthday party and he was unmedicated, and so I guess my question really is, you know, if you, if I was going to choose them, what would you have done? Just medicate him and deal with it or take them unmedicated and deal with what happened at the birthday party or, you know, would you have just chosen to not medicate him? So he eats and stays at home. Because we went to the birthday party and he got removed from the ball pit because he was throwing. And the thing is, is, like I said, like the boy's mom, one of my really good friends, she, you know, was like, you know, luke, quit throwing liquid throwing. I'm like, he's, he's just not, like, it's not that he's not listening, it's just, it's behavior. It's like, like it's not just him choosing not to do it. He's not going to, like, you have to physically remove it, but then he's still going to have to have that impulse.
So the one year old was in the ball pit at that point, so I think there was a concern for safety, so that made sense. But later he started throwing stuff across the yard and no one was around. But again, he was told, you know, to. To stop throwing. And I'm like, at that point I told Mark, like, let's just go home. And I'm not meaning anything by my friends. They don't understand the extent I do at home. They don't understand from the doctors. They don't understand. I think that he's not throwing to make your yard a mess. He's not throwing to hurt anybody. It really is just an impulse.
So I guess what should I do in the future if there is a party?
[00:25:43] Speaker B: Should I just.
House? Yes.
[00:25:45] Speaker A: Did I just choose not to take him if I'm not going to medicate him or medicate him and lose a day of him not eating?
[00:25:52] Speaker B: Like.
[00:25:53] Speaker A: Or would you just go and deal with whatever if he ends up throwing, leave early or.
[00:25:58] Speaker B: I think it would depend for me on where it is. Like, if you're going to Chuck E. Cheese where they have really strict rules, I probably would either medicate him or just not go. I mean, because for like we have. So for us with parties, like, I tend to not go to parties where both my kids wouldn't be welcomed. It's one thing if it's like a numbers thing, but like, if it's like a party at somebody's house and you tell me little sister can't come, then I'm not gonna go because both my kids are going to come. Yeah. So I Kind of feel like in your situation, if it's a party, like, at Chuck E. Cheese, where there are rules, like, and there's a bunch of children, I would probably are like, Big Air. I don't go to Big Air. I don't. Those freak me out. I'm waiting for somebody's neck to break or something. But, like, I would say medicate or don't go, and I probably just would pretend the party didn't exist. And he won't remember.
Yeah.
[00:26:52] Speaker A: Either.
[00:26:53] Speaker B: Well, I mean, I guess the hard thing is I wouldn't. I don't want Mac to miss out on stuff, but I also wouldn't want to take him to somewhere brother wouldn't be welcomed. I feel like at a house, I probably wouldn't medicate. Unless you were going to, like, Maw Maw's house that had antiques, and he could break one.
[00:27:12] Speaker A: Right.
[00:27:12] Speaker B: It's a backyard party, and nobody's gonna get hurt. I probably wouldn't have medicated.
[00:27:20] Speaker A: So that situation, I've asked, like, you know, what can he throw? Because he needs to do this. Because I just panicked and left because I didn't know what else to do, because I was like, he's gonna throw. I know he's gonna throw. There's nothing me or any other adult at this house can do to not throw.
[00:27:35] Speaker B: So outside, and nobody was getting hurt.
[00:27:39] Speaker A: Yeah. But I think they were trying to clean up at that point. So they were, like, trying to pick up some of the stuff near, like, the fish pond, and he was, like, throwing it into the yard.
And I get the bouncy house because the bouncy house, he was.
Well, yeah, the kid. You know, the babies were there, and, you know, he's only one. And I. I know that Mac has a forehead from being one and being chunked with a pig. Now. It's a very big plastic pig.
But I can understand that something could have happened there. But the second incident, no one was around. I think they just didn't want. You know, most of the time, you tell kids not to throw and. Because it's not good. But I just. I don't know. Like, I don't.
I don't know.
[00:28:21] Speaker B: I don't even.
Like, if you were going to somewhere public where there are rules, I probably would either medicate or don't go because. Yeah, I know. Even Kylie, like, at Chuck E. Cheese, like, they were in some bounce thing, and, like, one of the kids wouldn't even do anything bad, but it was, like, violating their rule. I don't know. But, like, Yeah, I feel like in those situations they have a lot of rules because there are so many kids in their safety. But if it's at somebody's house, I don't know, I guess the next time maybe have a heart to heart with the mom and say, look, if you want, I'm not for making him take medicine when he doesn't have to, if he doesn't eat. So I might just be like, have a heart to heart with the mom and say, look, I'm going to bring him. He brings the ball. We're going to go on the outside and he's going to have to throw his ball because he has to do this. And if you're not cool with that, then we're not going to come. And I hope you respect me for that.
Yeah, yeah.
[00:29:16] Speaker A: And I have to give a special shout out to my mom and Sean and Krista. But Chris is a special needs teacher, so she knows how it is. I'll still give her credit. But when we went to see Wicked beforehand, Luke was being Luke. Like, if you, if you've been around him, he doesn't always sit still. He's sporadic now. This was medicated and he did great during the show. But this was a restaurant where it was louder. There were a lot of people. A lot of people. Well, he knew and he was excited and he just kept getting under the tables and laughing. I kept trying to get him to sit and, like, Sean just looked at me and said, lacy, he's fine. I said, but he's. She goes, he's like, lacy, this is what Luke does. This is fine. We've got it. And my mom's like, yeah, why are you panicking? He's okay. We got him. And it just meant so much to me because I just get so anxious when he's just not sitting there and, like, being how he's supposed to be. And so when he was being Luke, you know, like, just to have Sean look at me and just be like, hey, why are you freaking out? Like, he's fine. It just meant so much to me in that moment to have that support.
And so to go from that to, you know, the birthday party, which, like, I said, they did not mean anything by it. I know they didn't mean anything negative. It was just like, you know, we're trying to clean up, like, kids throwing, like, we're not throwing. Like, let's keep this activity altogether. I know the intent was like, so that other kids, if they came, the toys were in that part.
So I'm not like, Upset about it. But it does mean more to me when somebody does have that understanding. You know, for Sean and my mom to have that in the restaurant just meant so much to me because it's. It's hard. It's not always easy. Like, I'll just be honest. The other day, me and Mark went after Nana's funeral. They were going to Waco, like a beer garden. And they're like, do you want to come? And I was like, yeah. So my mother in law was here and I said, can you watch the kids? And she said, yeah, go. So we. We get in the car and I look to Mark and I said, it feels good to go out and not have my head on a swivel. You know, I had so much fun at Wicked, but my head was on a swivel. I would take him in a heartbeat. I take him to another musical. He loved it. He loved Lion King when he went with school. But my head's on a swivel. And just like the birthday party, he's escaped at that house before and gone to the neighbor's house. You know, I thought he had. I thought Mark had him. Mark, though, I had him and he ended up at the neighbor's house. So of course, at the birthday party, my head's on a swivel. And I was just like, I feel so guilty being glad that my kid's not coming, so I can just talk to people.
[00:31:46] Speaker B: I think too many times people put too much pressure on kids. And I know Luke's a special situation, but I think in general, you know, he sit there and tell kids, you need to sit in your seat, don't get up, don't do this. There are kids, like, I think we just put too much expectations on them to be like adults, and they're not. I mean, like, we don't go out to eat a whole lot because west gets frustrated.
I don't get as frustrated, but I do try to clean up everything. So it's like a harder balance.
But like, we went to see the Mario movie last week and they loved it and they sat pretty good for it. But Maddie talks the whole time because she's telling us what she enjoys. She's like, oh, look at that. Oh, my gosh, stuff like that. And like, I'm just like, you know what? I'm at a 2 o' clock showing of a kids movie, right? You're gonna be mad. Go to the nine o' clock showing. Like, don't come to the two o' clock showing. And I mean, I think there's a difference when kids are being destructive or bad to other people. Like obviously if your kid's at a restaurant and like they're throwing water on somebody, that's different, right? Crawling under the table, that ain't hurting anybody. Just.
And I think too many times we put too much pressure that they have to be perfect and they don't. And I think Luke needs to be Luke and I think, you know, if he, as long as he's, you know, not going to the next table and you know, putting his finger in there, he's deep.
Although Maddie would very likely go do that. Maddie would go to the next table and say, I want a chip.
But I think realistically kids need to be kids and kids should be welcome to all places unless they are adults only and unless you're at an adult. So I think there's just certain things like obviously if you're at a kids movie, if you're at a family restaurant, you know, kids are going to be there. And I will say I have a cousin that's autistic and he's pretty high functioning. Like he. Yeah, we don't know what he will do with his life. He doesn't know. But he's like 17, so no 17 year old knows. But like if something happened and he were to stim, his mom shouldn't be forced to not let him be who he is. As long as he's not hurting anybody else. Right. And I think kind of in Luke's situation, if it was a danger to the other kid for him throwing toys, okay, don't let him do that. Get him away from the situation. I don't think punish him or be mean to him, just get him away. But if he's just out in the backyard and you teach your kids to accept that everybody's different. So like, that is one thing I feel like I'm really proud of my kids for.
They don't what they might question something, but it is always with good intent. Like it was really sweet. Like we had a delivery guy come up and he only had one leg. He. And he had a fake leg. And Kylie just asked why and I was like, I don't know, but he's okay. And she goes, we'll just pray for him. Like, like my friend Rashon came over with his fiance and he's gay and obviously his fiance is a man. And my kids didn't question it, they were just like, cool, whatever. So I think kids are a lot more resilient and good people than we give them credit for.
[00:35:12] Speaker A: And inclusive.
[00:35:14] Speaker B: I will say though, Kylie looked at Rashon. She's seen a million black people in her life. Her best friend is black.
One of them. She's got a few. She looked at her shows. She looked at me and looked her, why is he black? I was like, because God made him that way. And then she was like, oh, cool, can he have something to drink?
And goes in the pantry and gets him a Gatorade.
[00:35:34] Speaker A: That's what the Mac would say. Mac just says the off the wall comments that just take you by surprise.
[00:35:41] Speaker B: But she truly didn't mean anything. She just was curious. And I looked at him and he just died laughing. And I was like, I'm sorry. I was like, I promise. She knows there's people. And he's like, kids just do kid things,
[00:35:54] Speaker A: you know, with throwing. Like, Mac knows that Bubba throws. And I've told him, like, Bubba throws because that's something that makes him feel better, you know. But if he's throwing something at you, you know, or you're going to get hit, like, you need to get me. So that way I can, you know, fix it. And, you know, we'll try to recon, you know, like if he's in the playroom throwing like action figures and stuff like that across the room, then we try to redirect them. Like, no, we don't throw this. We throw a ball. So that's what we always try to do. We don't throw this. We throw a ball and try to put a ball in his hand to throw. So it's really confusing with him when he's being told not to throw and what he's throwing is a ball because that's our redirect. And you know, he's not going to get that. He's not going to put that together. So.
But yeah, so that's, that's my mom advice. So I told you I probably would have to save your topic.
[00:36:41] Speaker B: So what I had planned on talking about was prenups and how they can go right and wrong because we are in the heart of marriage season.
You know, April, May and June are big marriage time. So we'll save that for next time. But if you have questions about prenups that you want to get addressed, we will do that next time. But we hope you'll have a great weekend.
[00:37:04] Speaker A: Yeah. And if you have stories or questions about crazy probate or, you know, things that people have done upon death, definitely send us. We'd love to read some of that.
And if you're a special needs parent and you have any advice further from me? I think what you said, Lauren, was great, and it made a lot of sense, and I'll definitely take that advice in the future. But, you know, if you. If y' all have other stories to share, other pieces of advice, we're all ears. And thank you for listening.
[00:37:32] Speaker B: Bye.
[00:37:33] Speaker A: Bye.
