Episode Transcript
[00:00:05] Speaker A: Hey, everybody, it's Lacey back here again.
[00:00:08] Speaker B: And I'm Lauren.
[00:00:09] Speaker A: And welcome back to another episode of the Llamas podcast.
[00:00:13] Speaker B: So, once again, we're starting this out from a question from the audience, and this time I'm going to ask Lacey because it's something we probably both hear a lot from different friends or families or just clients.
[00:00:26] Speaker A: Some.
[00:00:26] Speaker B: So you're going. You think you're gonna. And neither one of us are going to throw a divorce. This does not pertain to us, but we do get this question a lot. You think you're going through a divorce. Your spouse says they're not going to contest anything. Should you still hire an attorney? What's your thoughts, Lacey?
[00:00:42] Speaker A: So I have seen it done in work, but I think it's extremely, extremely rare. I think it's one in a million probably chances that it goes as smoothingly and as well as you. You think it would if you think those are your circumstances with a divorce. The thing is, is, you know, this is some. It's one of the reasons why people say, get prenups. You're just not thinking logically. You know, I, I love my husband so much. And you can't predict life, right? I can't sit here and say, I'm never getting divorced. We don't know what life's going to throw at us. Right. I know each day I work towards my marriage and he does, and I pray that that is what we do for the rest of our lives. But I know how much I love him. And if something happened, I'm not going to be thinking logically. I'm going to be so emotional. Right. It's going to be such a hard part of my life. I think it's such a hard chapter and sometimes a very necessary, you know, chapter.
But I would absolutely still hire an attorney.
There's things that, you know, I think in the criminal world, too, that come up with my clients when I'm discussing things, and they're like, I never thought about that. Well, I never knew that. And, you know, some. Well, if I take this, is it expungeable?
Can you get it dismissed? How so? And there's so many things that people don't know, but it's my job to know, right? And that's the same with family law. So there may be things that come up, like why didn't think about, you know, who would. Where would custody go if we have joint custody and I get a job in another state, you know, where does it default to for where the kids will live? Because you can't do 50, 50 joint custody if parents are living in two different states. So that's something you can sit down with an attorney to think about, because then if it defaults to the other parent who's not moving, you may say, my job's not worth it just to split my family up and take them away from, you know, their other parent. But I think just so many things come up, and there is a way to still get that amicable divorce with an attorney. And I say this for everybody, listen, because I think, you know, when somebody's lawyers up, it's like a bad thing.
But I just think it's such a good thing to protect everybody. And especially if you're on the same page, especially because, guess what? There's going to come a day when you're not. Because otherwise, I mean, we're even in marriage, there's days I'm not on the same page with my husband, right? And so I think going through a divorce, too, there's going to be days and things that you're probably not on the same page on, and that's okay. You're two different people. Whether you're married or going through a divorce, you're two different people. You're going to be coming from two different aspects of thinking. And so I just think it's really good to have an attorney, even if you're both on the same page, to review the documents, make sure it's fair, see if there's anything that's not, you know, that when y'all are talking about, you know, negotiating the terms of the divorce that you don't think about, make sure that they're handled. I think it just helps everything go more smooth for everybody. If you have somebody doing it that knows what they're doing, does this all the time, and can help you process a very hard time.
[00:04:00] Speaker B: And I completely agree with that, because I think even if it's amicable and you agree on things, certain things have to be done properly in the court system. That's paperwork that, you know, an attorney just knows how to do better or certain things that are like retirement accounts. So, like, if you are splitting a retirement account in your divorce, there's tax consequences, unless you roll it into, like, this thing, I think, called a quadro or something. So, like, there's just technicalities that Even if you're 100 on the same page, you still could have issues. And I will say I'm always going to hire an attorney for me, if I get divorced, if I get arrested, if I'M in a car wreck. Like, there's just things that I want to make sure I'm protected on and I know my area of expertise and my knowledge is not, you know, I got, you know, the wrong thing happen in a med maluit. I'm going to hire an attorney to handle that because I want them the person who knows the most to make sure I'm educated as well.
[00:05:01] Speaker A: And like I've said before, I only do criminal defense. I've hired you to do my wills and special needs trust. And I even lost something from a special needs trust and had to email her about a month ago to get something that I needed from it because I didn't save it, but I did save it this time.
But that's also why you have a lawyer, too. There may be records that you misplace and can't find and you can go to that attorney because they're required to keep it pursu six years. So speaking of that, I do need to update my will. So let me know when I can pay you again to pay for Mac.
Before we move on to our topic, our producer, Wendy, text me something that's always very funny before our last episode. I love how it's always law and order noises at Lacey's office when we record it. Seems appropriate for a criminal defense attorney, right? The sirens and everything.
That made me laugh. So I thought I'd share that with everybody.
So, Lauren, what are we discussing today?
[00:06:06] Speaker B: So real quick, when you say producer, it always makes me feel so official that we have like a producer. I feel like I don't know it's official, but today we're going to talk about balancing life with friendships, work, and being a mom. Because I know it is. You know, they say women can have it all, but it does all pull on us and come with hard consequences because business owner, attorney, wife, mom does so many different hats to juggle and still keep our sanity. So we're going to talk about how we've navigated it. And honestly, I failed at it a lot, trying to do everything. So kind of like, how do we balance our friendships and work? Pretty much.
[00:06:53] Speaker A: I think the biggest thing that I think is going to be a reoccurring thing this episode is how bad I am at it. I totally this is going to be an episode of this is how I excel at doing all of it. It's going to be just raw, honest truth of how hard it is.
And this might, this episode might end honestly with give me advice on how to do better. Because like you Said Lauren. I just feel like it's something I constantly fail at. And I think my friends.
I know my friends would say I'm too hard on myself about it, but I just see what my other friends are, you know, able to do and be there for the others. And sometimes I just.
I can't, or it's just. I don't know. It's been really hard. I've had a friend going through.
Speaking of. Our topic was divorced one time, and I had Luke. I don't think I had Mac yet, but it was during COVID And so during COVID I was really scared about going to places in other people's houses because y'all have heard me mention Lucas down syndrome. He had a heart defect at birth. He's always getting sick. I was terrified of what Covid.
Him getting Covid would do. I was so scared of him ending up in the hospital and not making it. I mean, I had so much anxiety.
It was around that time, I think I was already in therapy, but it was stuff I talked about in therapy, too. And just to explain my mental state, when I started therapy, the reason I did was I had convinced myself that Luke was going to get cancer and not make it. And so I knew it wasn't rational or logical. So that's where my head was at during COVID So I just would see all my friends go and visit my other friend during this hard time in her life. And I was so scared to go and expose my kid, and I just missed out on all of it. I mean, I wasn't there for my friend at all.
I don't feel. I mean, I would text and catch up, but that's not what she needed. And I know I.
No, she's not mad at me at all. I know that for a fact. She's not. Was she hurt? In the moment, probably, but she had every right to be. And I don't think at any point she thought I could. I should do differently. I don't think that either. I think it was just like those. One of the situations where I really wish I had all my friends here, and one's missing.
And that was just really hard. And I just.
I think another friend was going through a hard time, and her first call when. When every. Whenever she was at a low spot was not me.
And she's like, well, because of your kids. I'm like, well, dang, I've shown up on your doorstep, cry my eyes out in tears, like, I want to do that for you. But she's not calling Me also, because she loves my kids, and she knows that it would. It might. Would be harder for me if it was bedtime or what was going on when she needed somebody to come over. So there's just two stories right there where I'm failing at it, and I don't know how to balance it all. And maybe to an extent, I'm too hard on myself and I need to give myself more grace, but it's so hard because I have great friends. I have wonderful friends that love me genuinely, and sometimes I just don't feel like I'm giving that love back.
[00:10:26] Speaker B: Well, I am naturally an introvert. I'm naturally a homebody. So, like, for me, making friends and doing stuff is always a little bit of an effort because I can sit at home and read a book and be happy. But I do need interaction with people. And I will say kind of the same situation as you during COVID I just had my first daughter, and I'm a germaphobe. On a good day, like, I'm spraying the Lysol a kid threw up at Disney the other week. I literally pulled a can of Lysol out of my bag and sprayed.
[00:10:57] Speaker A: Hold on. You took a can of Lysol to Disney World?
Let's just pause there. You took a can of Lysol to Disney?
Do you carry Lysol like, you. You buy travel size? Like, okay, I don't. That shouldn't.
[00:11:17] Speaker B: It was like, 90 degrees and hot. But, yes, I pulled out Lysol and sprayed the air. So it may not have done anything, but it made me feel better, so.
Oh, and Wendy did just ask a question. How did I get it through security? It's because it was travel size, but I'm not gonna lie, I will doordash stuff at hotels to get it through as well, because hotels never have good hand soap. So I always like doordash or go to a store and get me better hand soap. But anyways, so during the time of COVID one of my best friends, her name is Aaron, her dad died, and they had the funeral, and it was right in the heart. And I. That is probably one of my biggest regrets and my friendship with her is I didn't go to the funeral. I text her, I called her, I checked on her, but I didn't go to the funeral because I was too scared to go because of COVID And I do think it. It really hurt that I didn't go. She has never said anything to me, and she never will because she's one of the sweetest people in the world. But like, it hurt. And then I will say I feel like over the years. So two of my other best friends decided both to leave me and move across the country. One of them is in Houston and one of them is in New.
And so we. Most of our friendship is sending memes to each other and like, reels and stuff. And I will say it is really hard to always make that effort, especially when people aren't easy. Like, you know, like, we're. Both of us are friends with the people we work with and it's really easy because they cross the hall.
[00:12:55] Speaker A: Right.
[00:12:55] Speaker B: Or, you know, you see them a lot. But it is hard to make that effort, especially when they're not just easy to drop. Even my friends this here, I have a really good friend and like, just finding time to do lunch with her can be a headache because we're both so busy. And as a business owner, I don't like to take lunch because that's time off the clock.
[00:13:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
And I put this on my note because I was failing at another friendship. I had a friend diagnosed with Ms. And she had a few other diagnosis. And she's just one of my best friends and she just has. She's the friend that when Luke wouldn't drink any liquids in the hospital, she drove from Myrtle beach to Charleston to just sit with me for the day because it was Max first birthday, my youngest son. And I was missing it because my son had his tonsils took out and he. Because he wasn't consuming liquids because it hurt. He just refused. So they couldn't send him home because they're worried about dehydration.
So we got stuck in the hospital was Mac's first birthday. I was missing it.
So she drove down and just sat with me for the day and brought applesauce and yogurts, like all of Luke's favorites. And so when she was diagnosed with everything, we. We had such a busy summer. And then just getting into the fall, my husband coaches football and Luke is in baseball. So with football practices, baseball practice, or baseball games and everything, I just. I would text her updates. I probably should have called more, for sure, but I knew in my heart, like, she needed me there. And she lives in Myrtle beach and I needed to get there. And when I realized how hurt she was, I felt so bad. It just. I felt worse because I looked at my calendar and I'm like, when am I going?
You know? So I just really struggled with when to go.
So I did. I was able to find a weekend to go And I felt that really helped our friendship, you know, trying to find that. And I think that's one of the things that you do to balance is when you do get like, you know, you have to make an effort that you need to. To be there and. And really plan.
You may not be able to be there as much as you'd like, but even those small increment moments are gonna mean so much for your friendship and your friends in those times. So even though it was one weekend and it flew by and it was so short, I think it was just really what? You know, I think she just needed to know that we were gonna be okay. And I knew the moment I, you know, if I could just make it down there that we would be okay, because I knew I had hurt her and I had dropped the ball as her friend and not being there like I should have.
And the same, you know, with my other friend I was talking about during COVID going through a divorce, she later had knee surgery. And it was the perfect timing for me because Luke was a really good travel buddy, and Mac finally liked his father enough for me to leave him. And so when she had her knee surgery, I was like, who's helping you out? I can do this weekend. There was a weekend I was able to come and help, and I needed to do. And I was so excited to do that, you know, just that, you know, I don't want him to have a knee surgery, going through hard times. But, you know, it was just like, oh, my gosh, I have two kids, and I'm able to go down there and be there for that. She's like, you don't have to. And I know she would have been upset if I didn't have to, but it meant the world that I was. And me and Luke went down there for the weekend, and we had just the best time with her and actually stayed with her with Mac a couple weeks ago. And Mac is just in love with her. I mean, he just thinks she hung the moon and said they have such a close bond and relationship now, too. And so I think as moms and business owners and lawyers and wives and all the hats we wear, I think it's just accepting the fact that you can't. You're just not going to be able to be there in the quantity that you want. That's just probably not realistic. And I think we have to accept that part.
It's just making sure those quality moments, those moments in life where everything comes together that you can be there for your friend, take advantage of them. You know, you see that free weekend on the calendar, you know that your friend's been going through a hard time, make sure you do something in there. And I think you have to balance that with rest and, you know, that free time and taking care of yourself, too. So it's a balance with those things. But, you know, really just, you see if you see those little moments pop up, just making sure that you show up when you can, if that makes sense.
[00:18:00] Speaker B: It's hard.
[00:18:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:02] Speaker B: You have to, I think, prioritize. Like, there's times I need for me, but I think as humans and even as my introverted self, we do need interactions with other people outside of our family because that keeps us, you know, happy, and it makes us feel better. And I will say, I think having friends, like, I have a diverse group of friends. One of my best friends is 66 years old.
So, like, I've been friends from all different, like, places in life, all different views, all different standpoints really makes a difference, too, because, for instance, my friend that is 66 has been there, done that with children. Hers are all grown and, you know, my age or older, and she understands what I'm going through. So sometimes for her, like, she just said, well, she was wanting to meet and do something. I was like, I just can't get out of the house. She'll just come and hang out with me and the kids because. And now she has a grandson, this one. So, like, it's fun. We get all the kids together. So kind of like maybe we had to change. Now we are having a girls night next week to go see a movie, but we've had to maybe change how we do things. But you just make time and do the best you can with people. And I feel like your true friends are always going to accept, you know, you've been going through a hard time or you've been dealing with stuff, or you're overwhelmed if you can come back and make time for them and, you know, help. But it is hard. There's no easy answer to it.
[00:19:27] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think that's kind of the same with us. You know, me and Lauren have been friends for so long, and she's not here in Columbia very often. And when I go to the upstate, my. My girls, my nieces, they're. I see them like, they are just. They take priority over everybody. My kids, all my kids in my lives are my priority. And so those are, you know, so much a priority. But one thing that, you know, kind of stands out for both of us is that time when Luke was born and you were here for like a CLE or something and you got to meet him for you came over to the house and held him, you know, so, you know, you didn't see him for a while after that. But just making that effort to see him when you were here meant so much to me. And in last year in October, I was up for a fitness show that my cousin was in and I was like, all her friends were getting lunch together with her, but I see her all the time. I didn't need to do lunch with her. And me and Lauren were able. I was like, lauren, I'm going to be in Spartanburg. Can we grab lunch? And I want to see your girls. And so just like I said, we both are realistic. That quantity is just not going to happen. But making sure that those quality times. And speaking of that topic, like, I go to every Gamecock home game and you're gonna. People probably say, oh my gosh, she's such a big game fan. And I am. But you know what? I'm more of a fan of the tailgate with my friends. So one of my friends lives in Myrtle Beach. The rest of us are here. Usually I'm here. I'm just in the groove of kids, you know, football games, basketball games with the husband. And I'm just in this routine and the same in work, the same thing every day. But I know there's seven days a year that are devoted to my friends and I get my nieces for one of those games each. And that's a day that I get to spend just quality time with just one of my nieces, with my friend group. And so if you see me at those Gamecock games, yes, I am a die hard Gamecock fan. I love Gamecock football. But it's really about there just being seven special days where I get to be with my friends and have one niece at each game, one of my kids at each game and embrace that like family friend life with my immediate family life. And it just, it brings me so much joy. So if you hear me, if you hear about missing an event because there's a Gamecock game, it's not about football.
I love going. But it's about those quality moments that are set aside seven days out of 365 a year that are for my friends and you know, to take one kid a day and have that one kid with my friends and just have that quality time, that's really what that's about.
[00:22:13] Speaker B: When I think, you know, just because like we don't get to see each other a lot doesn't mean like the friendship's not there too. Like the same with like I send Lacey reels like I do Rashawn and Rachel. But like when big things happen, we've been there for each other. My mother in law died last year and Lacey couldn't be here but she sent me the cutest flower arrangement. That was a little dog type thing. So like no one like you don't always have to physically be there, but just that text. Like I knew my friend was having a rough time after some stuff and just an invitation said, love you, if you need me, I'm here. And I think doing that can be one of the biggest things in a friendship. Just letting them know you're there. And maybe physically we always can't be there, but we're never too busy just to drop a text here and there, send a funny picture.
[00:23:02] Speaker A: Yeah, and that's like when Harvey had passed, you know, we were supposed to record that week and I remember Wendy asking about that in email and I'm like, she's not checking her email so she sure is. She's not ready. Recording it was not even a question, you know, it was just my friend needs this space and it doesn't matter what's on our plate, it's not going to happen because I'm going to give her this space that she needs. And it was just emailing, hey, just not recording this week. Lauren's not having a good week. We'll figure out something else. And I don't even know if you remembered in that time that we were supposed to, but it was just, you know, just take care of your friends, you know, a lot of times you know what they need and if you can't give them the full need. Just that little bit like you were saying a text, a call, that can go a long way.
[00:23:50] Speaker B: Yes, and just surrenders. Harvey was my Jack Russell for 16 years. He was my best friend.
He was the best boy in the world. Wendy, who is our producer is an animal lover too. So she was completely understand. She'd been texting me about everybody. I will say that's when you know you have really good friends. Because when that was going through with my dog, everybody and some of my friends are not dog people. I don't understand why, but they're not. But even they were showing me so much sympathy and grace and love and I think that's when you know you got a true friendship is when they don't even like what you do. But they're there for you and supporting you in those hard times.
[00:24:30] Speaker A: Yeah, agreed.
So thank you for being a friend. Is that how we end this?
[00:24:38] Speaker B: Yeah. Go watch the Golden Girls, the ultimate friend group. And I am thankful for our friendship. And hopefully, next you've maybe. Why don't y'all email us with some tips or DM us or message us, do something to let us know your tips, how you prioritize, because it's definitely something as working mamas need help with. So we would love to hear from y'all.
[00:25:01] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, give us some advice. All right, I'll see you next time.
[00:25:05] Speaker B: Bye.
Thank you.
